During the Second World War “Loose Lips Sink Ships” was a slogan developed to re
mind Americans to keep the mouths shut about the work they did so as not to give information to the enemy. Now, it looks like two churches in North Texas are trying to sink the ships of reconciliation and privacy. Recently, a church in Dallas sent letters to its congregation informing the group about the infidelity of one its members. That’s spreading the word a bit too far. Also, a church in Fort Worth is prepared to recite chapter and verse of a similar incident by one of its' congregation. The "outed" congregation members quit before the churches came down with diarrhea of the mouth, but now, the issue is before the Texas Supreme Court. A word to the wise: when your church becomes the equivalent of the Hollywood Tattler, it is time to head into your secret closet where your secret will be safe unless your pastor is hiding there.Tip Toe Through the Tulips
It must hurt to be beautiful. I see too many women limping, shuffling and tipping around the walkways of America because they are wearing shoes that don’t fit. I watch the wobbly-leg walks and the soft steps of women just trying to make it to a seat. My grandmother had bunions and couldn’t walk more than 30 minutes without a seating breaking. My mother possibly had the ugliest feet in the world and she only started being comfortable when tennis shoes became her regular foot apparel. I am continually amazed watching the swollen-ankle shuffle, the “too-tight two-step” and the “if I can just make it to a chair” walks because many women insist on cramming their size 12 dogs into a size 6 shoe. Ow! I have some shoes that make my feet look like I’m wearing violin cases, but they are comfortable. When my feet hurt, my soul hurts. I wear stylish shoes, but not at the cost of being uncomfortable. If you think no one notices, you’re fooling yourself. I can hear those dogs barking from three blocks away.
Gay Marriage!
Yes, I am going to do it. Before I start my rant on this subject, I must confess that I have given absolutely no thought to the social and moral ramifications of such an occurrence. Maybe I’ve stayed away from a close examination because I know that more than 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce; that 25% of men and 15% of women cheat on their spouses and that battery is common in 15% of all marriages. I also know that in the 50% of the marriages that last more than 20 years one or both spouses are miserable. I guess what I’m saying is why the hell would any self-respecting homosexual want any part of this institution after seeing how thoroughly heterosexuals have screwed it up? I have to question their sanity and consider them gluttons for punishment. Considering the record, I can’t see any reason to oppose it unless it’s because gays might be better at marriage than heterosexuals. Wanting to become a part of the marriage institution is like wanting to sail on the Titanic. In fact, I am surprised that the heterosexual world isn’t inviting homosexuals into the institution; after all, misery loves company.
Faking
Guys fake it too! Sorry ladies but it’s the truth. I hate to be the one to reveal it, but we are men and by default, we’re shallow. I could me kicked out of the men's club for revealing this information. For men, there is no such thing as a bad orgasm. It doesn’t exist. Thanks to countless articles in men and female magazines, the legend of the mutual orgasm continues to proliferate, but the story is just that, a legend. In the back of every man’s guilty conscious is the smug self-satisfied smirk that says’ “I got mine.” Yes, men fake it too. There isn’t enough space here to list all the under-handed things men will fake in order to get away with having their way, including orgasms. By faking themselves, women give permission for men to do what they really want to do—get done and watch football.
Chain Letter Reply
Recently, someone asked me how to deal with chain letters. I replied that "the answer is simple--BE RUDE!" See below for a nice rude reply.
This is not a chain letter. If you forward this note on to another person you will not improve your chances in the lottery nor will you get out of the parking tickets you owe but you will risk earning the undying enmity of the next recipient who has to delete it from their in-basket. However, this letter will ward off evil spirits, negate a hex and even cure bad breath. To activate this letter, first, print it out and then take it to the nearest interstate, stand in the express lane, close your eyes and wait until you see stars indicating that this letter has been activated. If you have the urge to write another chain letter, return to the expressway.
P.S. If you should make it back to the office, send me $5. That will be my good luck.
On A Serious Note: Age Discrimination
Age discrimination, is it real or a sticking point for middleagers fading from the job market? For the man or woman 50 or older, the instances are real if not verifiable. After months of suspecting that my age was preventing me from not only getting a job, but from even getting an interview, I decided to try something to improve my chances--I lied. I took 20 years off my resume and left everything else the same. When filling out forms on the Internet on questions like "Are you a veteran of the Armed Forces," I still answered yes, but I moved my period of service up to the Gulf War instead of the Vietnam War. All of my graduation dates changed, but I left my experience the same except I shortened the terms. Anything that could be used to calculate an age I changed to make me look in my late 30's or early 40's. I also lowered my salary history by a few K and viola, my hit rate changed from about 1:20 to about 10:25, a marked difference. Of course, I couldn't follow up on these jobs because I lied to get a response, but I learned a lot. One thing I learned is that American industry may be ripe for law suits. The second thing, I learned is that HR departments need to be very careful in the questions they ask when recruiting for open positions. Colleges should be concerned also. Other than saying a student graduated, they should keep the information to that only, because anything else could potentially reveal a candidate's age. Even the years worked for a company reveal the same and could be used by an unscrupulous employer to target older applicants. The answers are yes I have a degree that can be verified PERIOD. Yes, I worked for XYZ Corporation PERIOD. Yes, I served in the Armed Forces PERIOD. Even the names of course reveal ages as many of the course names have changed, but the content hasn't in any meaningful way. Age is not just a number. Ask any of the thousands of Baby Boomers still in the workplace who are looking for work.
Doctor Bodacious
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