October 20, 2006 Number 25

First You've Heard?

Did you know the first Black woman to serve as corps commander sergeant major at West Point, was Lt. Emily Perez, who died Sept. 12 when a bomb detonated near her Humvee in Kifl, south of Baghdad, Iraq? As platoon leader, she insisted on leading her troops from the front. Shortly before shipping out to Iraq with the 204th Support Battalion, 2nd Brigade, 4th Infantry Division, she flew cross-country to be a bone marrow donor for a stranger who was a match. Perez, 23, graduated in the top 10 percent of her class, out-ran many men and directed a gospel choir. She was the 64th woman from the U.S. military to be killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Who is ED?

ED is another euphemism marketing geniuses came up with to avoid saying impotence. Erectile dysfunction, or ED as it is now known, is nothing new; we just have a different way of talking about it. No one tells you those glass-cutter erections of a 14-year-old will eventually turn into a memory. I remember an adult telling me “there is more to life than sex.” Now, I know why they told me that—it cuts down on male suicide.

Building Barriers

Call me old-fashioned, but I can’t help thinking that if the United States shared borders with Haiti, Uganda or Ethiopia, the fence around the United States would be a fourth-generation structure about to undergo a multi-billion dollar face-lift. And, the favorite hymn in the Baptist Church would be “Jesse Fought the Battle of Jericho,” and the walls came tumbling down.

Nipple

There, I’ve said it. Outside of a conversation on breast feeding, nipples seem to be off limits for television. Recently, a television show about reconstructive surgery featured breast augmentation among other procedures. A variety of breasts filled the screen, but every nipple was blurred out like an obscenity. I bet you can't tell what the photo on the left depicts. Here's a hint: folks, it’s a nipple!

Once upon a time we stuck them in babies’ faces to feed the child. Everyone has a pair, including men. Combined with the rest of the skin in that particular area, they are called breasts on women and pectorals on men. However, I am not against the blurring of nipples or entire breasts in certain cases. If you can tuck your breasts into your belt—they should be blurred.

Men, if you’ve got man tits—please blur or see a surgeon. If you’re cleavage extends more than a foot—blur. If your breasts pull down like old window shades, blurring is in order. It’s not the nipple’s fault.

Early Death

It is a known fact that women outlive men. What isn’t known about these early deaths is that most are intentional. Men don’t die at a younger than women; they take advantage of their "early out" clause.

Old Technology

Millions of dollars go missing every year and are never found. Using the latest investigative techniques and technology haven’t improved recovery more than 5%, but a recent test using television evangelists in California netted nearly a 100% recovery rate. An unfortunate side-effect for the investigating officers teamed with the evangelists was rapid loss of weight, particularly in the rear pocket.